Over the years, the problem of Indian women trapped in fraudulent NRI marriages has assumed an alarming proportion. Here’s the tale of three such women’s extraordinary struggle, which makes them stand as pillars of inspiration on the occasion of International Women’s Day
BY PROF. MEETA NARAIN
Since International Women’s Day is an occasion to celebrate the progress made towards achieving gender equality and women’s empowerment, it is also a time to critically reflect on issues of common interest related to women and the pravasi Indians, who are playing an important role in the lives of women today. Since globalisation and education are making steady progress, timely assessment of actions taken on different fronts, from marriage to work, should be clearly examined and understood, lest they lead to chaos and dreadful consequences later.
The tale of Radha, Neera and Manju (names changed), brings forth true, sensitive and emotional stories of educated professional women, who underwent traumatic experiences, but their extraordinary struggle makes them stand as pillars of inspiration. The tale is important, for they make women stand together, as a united force, to advance gender equality around the world.
Marital Curse
These three young women came out of the shackles of marriage in US and Canada, after being deserted or abused by their NRI husbands. The educated, dynamic, confident and self-reliant ladies from India had to face terrible consequences on foreign shores. Each one of them had a
different plot, yet their tales were similar in the hardship and trauma they underwent; ultimately, coming out victorious to rebuild their lives, keeping the morale of womenfolk higher and brighter.
Radha was working for the Delhi government as a Vocational and Educational Guidance Counsellor. She had her education from well-known schools and colleges of Delhi and belonged to a very prestigious family, but somehow while her other brothers and sisters were married in time,
her marriage was delayed. Finally, through family contacts, a divorcee was spotted from the same community, who was well-settled in Toronto, Canada, as a Financial Analyst. The proposal came from the boy’s side, as he wished to have a companion in life. There seemed to be no cause of anxiety, as he was also distantly related to this family. The marriage was organized in Delhi and everything went off well. But soon, the attitude of this man seemed unusual as although he left soon after marriage, the bride continued to stay with her mother. On repeated requests, her visa was arranged and she travelled to Toronto to join her husband. Her miseries started from there.
Contrary to her joyful aspirations, she met with adversity to an unimaginable level. She was brutally battered, assaulted, abused both mentally and physically, malnourished, confined and ill-treated by him in several ways. Though living in a posh apartment in Toronto, the girl used to be locked in the house, not given her letters, not allowed to use the kitchen equipment, and thrown food. Her jewellery and money were taken away and she was being treated as a captive. This was a very uncomfortable situation for Radha, who had lived in an extended family and had enjoyed life like a normal person. Suddenly, she felt like a caged prisoner. Twice, she thought of committing suicide, but gave up that idea considering the
trauma it will bring to her mother back home. Hence, she continued to suffer all by herself.
Kin Comes To Rescue Fortunately, a relative visited Toronto and found out her pathetic condition. He was furious. But to handle the situation tactfully, he managed to convince this man that she should be sent home for some break. This relative had a tough time convincing Radha to walk out from the marriage, because she did not have the courage to do so. On the pretext of visiting her parents and family, she came back to India. But her family was not interested in pursuing any legal battle. However, the relative, to teach a lesson to such men who take liberty with Indian women and ruin their lives, prevailed upon her to file a divorce petition citing all the atrocities and trauma she had faced. The allegations were of such a serious nature that the groom’s family would have been severely punished. This forced her husband and his family to come to an out-of-court settlement. Finally, divorce was granted with mutual consent. Fortunately, Radha had not resigned from her government job, so she could join back and serve till her retirement. However, this nightmare for almost a year left a permanent scar on her and she decided never to marry
again, but it made her bold enough to reach the highest position in her career and become a professional counsellor on marriage issues to young aspirants wishing to marry and settle abroad!
Why did this man behave in such a way when he himself had offered for this marriage? The fact was that his first marriage was performed at an advanced age and he had two grown-up boys from the previous marriage. His first wife walked out of his life because of his erratic temperament,
alcoholism, short-temperedness and for other reasons. She started living away and took away most of his wealth and property. Actually, he was not interested in re-marriage, but he just wanted to show to his first wife that despite the age factor, he still had the potential to get married. It was also a crime on the part of his India-based family, which despite having close relations did not share the weaknesses of this man with the family of Radha. Unfortunately, there are numerous stories, where Indian girls or their families got lured to such proposals and without proper investigation or inquiries, they married their daughters to them and ultimately had to suffer for their whole life.
Left Alone
The second story is of Neera, who reached the US and waited at the airport, only to find that her husband would not turn up at all. Interestingly, she herself had a green card, but was residing in India with her father, who was a renowned academician. Neera, very well educated, married a man who was technically well -qualified and had a keen desire to settle in the US. Both moved to America after marriage, and the boy obtained a green card. On her return to the US after a visit to India, she was shocked to find that her husband refused to recognize her. She waited at the airport, but to no avail; her husband never turned up and she was left homeless. Neera had no option but to seek divorce and start afresh. But the girl had immense power and she was so strong that she never let her family know what was going on with her in America after she had reached there.
She, on her own, fought the legal battle, got divorce with mutual consent, took a new job and rented an apartment, where she started her new life. Once she became independent, she informed her parents about the miseries she had suffered during the past two years. The parents rushed to America, stayed with her for a while and brought her back to India again. She is now working as a faculty in one of the IITs and has not married again. She has proved her potential in the academic field by excelling in her career. But the scar of the trauma still remains in her heart!
False Information
Manju’s case was a little different. After marriage, she learnt that her NRI husband had given false information regarding his job, immigration status, earning, property, marital status and other material particulars, to con her into the matrimonial alliance.
She was the daughter of a top bureaucrat and her brother was very well-established in academic field in the US. Yet Manju suffered as she was lured by the information given by the boy and married him without much investigation. Since the marriage was only to acquire the girl’s wealth, the torture she underwent had no bounds. She was held at ransom for payment of huge sums of money as dowry, her continued stay in her husband’s country of residence depending on that. She sought to use criminal law to punish her husband and in-laws for dowry demands and matrimonial cruelty, but found that the trial could not proceed as the husband would not come to the trial or respond to summons, or even warrant of arrest. With the help of a white American, who was in the legal profession, she managed to fight her battle and later arrive at a settlement with her husband. The power of the family could not rescue her, but her own strong will power and determination carried her to success. These three women had high education, came from good family backgrounds, were self-reliant, confident and had a network of relatives in the US and Canada. Yet they had to face this trauma because of reasons beyond their general understanding and concern. The International Women’s Day not only salutes the valor of women in facing such adversity and yet carrying on, but at the same time suggests positive mechanisms to curb such acts.
Iron Ladies
Radha, Neera and Manju’s stories are some reflections, shared by them, to show that their strength is no less and their lives cannot be taken for granted. They are figures of determination and the International Women’s Day recognizes their valor, giving due respect to the measures being devised for all to understand before going into such alliances.
(A recipient of the prestigious Pushkin Medal (2019) & Dr. Radhakrishnan Millennium Teachers Award (2010), the writer is a well known linguist who has travelled widely and highlighted women’s issues regularly. She is currently a professor at Centre of Russian Studies, JNU.)
